就是一種奇怪的感覺
沒有喜怒哀樂 就彷彿吃了稍稍不新鮮的食物
當下也許覺得容易下咽
但過了一陣   開始想起消化中的食物
才突然察覺   肚子早已在不自覺的時候   開始隱隱攪動
x x x x x

你訝異自己會反應得如此激烈
但你讓我更瞭解自己
原來我可以如此冷靜面對一切
無須動怒   沒有必要   也不想　何必?
但我無法當一切沒有發生過
畢竟   我們已不是從前的我們
畢竟   在天台的那個下午   我記得太清楚
我要忘記    我會忘記 
不允許   有任何一道痕跡遺留

是的    我能夠也願意體諒你 
但我的大方    不是為了想你以愧疚償還
千萬不要
因為愧疚是無底的
我不想我們的愛    到最後因愧疚而存在
不想讓愧疚    在你心中   結痂
x x x x x

I LOVE cooking. I think every self-respecting chef(pro or not) will tell you that they derive the utmost pleasure from looking at the pleased expressions on their guests'(read: guinea pigs..HAHA) faces when they taste the freshly-made food. Provided the chef did a good job, of course.

Ever since I got my own little kitchenette, I've been cooking quite abit...but "big" meals are a definite no, because I only have one pot, one electric rice cooker(my trusted friend for the past 4 yrs), and one hot plate. Oh well, who cares...a gd chef is one who is able to make the best out of a limited amount of space & equipment, no?
Dad was in Tokyo last week and when he flew back to Taipei on Sunday afternoon, he brought me some sashimi-grade tuna, shelled periwinkles & plump juicy scallops from Tsujiki market, the largest fish market in the world. Of course, he'd already eaten his share of super-fresh sashimi right after buying it.

"Sashimi-grade" seafood+Tokyo+fresh from fish market=first class! But after 3 days in the fridge, I thought I'd better be more careful & not have my bag of goodies uncooked. Obviously I couldn't finish everything on my own, so I invited 2 buddies over for dinner last evening. After much pondering, I came up with a simple menu of a quick corn soup, seafood pasta(the star of the meal) and chocolate pots(courtesy of the wonderful Nigella Lawson) for dessert.

I'd brought back 2 packs of pasta from Milan this summer, and that, with perfect Japanese seafood, seemed like a perfect idea to me. I browsed through a few recipes for pasta sauces, and came up with what seemed to me was a good combi. I think some website named such a seafood pasta "Pasta alla Scoglio". My 2 guests ooh-ed and ahh-ed in delight upon tucking in...(alright, maybe it's because they're guys, they're hungry and they just wanted to please me..who cares:P)..I myself found it surprisingly tasty too. Mmm...long time since I gave a treat like that. So much satisfaction being a chef. Am gonna post my recipe below...

Zweck's Pasta with Seafood (Serves 3)

1 can whole tomatoes
1 small ripe tomato, chopped
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 shallots, sliced thinly
1 med carrot, diced
1 small zucchini, diced
1.5 handfuls celery, diced
2 handfuls diced fresh mushrooms(abt 1 mug- button, shitake, portobello, oyster, etc)
1 tsp sweet chilli sauce
0.5 tsp Italian herbs
2 dried kaffir lime leaves
2 tsp olive oil
25g butter
1.5 tbsp cream
300g diced seafood(I used fresh tuna, scallops and periwinkles)
200ml beer (I used Victoria Bitter)
salt n black pepper to taste

In a deep saucepan, heat butter with oil, lightly brown the garlic & shallots.
Add fresh tomato, carrot, zucchini, mushrooms and celery, stir-fry for 5 mins.
Add herbs and everything from the can of tomatoes(chop up the tomato first), plus half a can of water. Bring to a boil and reduce till only half of the liquid remains.
Add beer, boil for 3 mins. Add seafood and kaffir lime leaves, reduce heat and simmer for another 15 mins with the lid on. Add salt, pepper and cream. Bring to a boil, remove lime leaves and serve with pasta.

This is really simple, and the VB gives it a mild fragrance. The kaffir lime leaves rids the fishy taste and give the sauce a certain refreshing lightness despite the usage of butter & cream, while the little amount of cream gives the sauce an velvety yet uncloying richness. Depending on what kind of seafood we use, you can add them in earlier or later. P.s. Out of an old "Cantonese habit" of mine, I plopped in abt half a teaspoon on oyster sauce, though I wasn't too sure which part of the taste it'd contribute to >.< Yummy. Do give me feedback if anyone of you decides to try it out!

Oh yes..for a really simple corn soup for last-minute gatherings, here's one with a twist from your usual creamed corn:
In your saucepan, fry one handful each of diced celery and mushrooms in 2 teaspoons of butter(or oil, of course:P) over high heat for 3 mins. Tip in a can of creamed corn+ 3-quarter can of milk+ 3-quarter can of water. Add a dash of Italian herbs and some salt and pepper. Stir well, bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 10 mins. Voila.

I used celery & mushrooms cos I had some leftovers from the pasta sauce. Mushrooms are definitely gd, but for thsoe who don't like celery, just use something else. Easy peasy!

OH well, it's my first time putting up a recipe in my blog! HAHA...Hope there'll be more coming..I figured it's a gd way to utilise my blog and benefit other pple too! Ok everyone, time to get back to writing my research paper(that'll be another looong story to talk about >.<) Have a gd midweek! Cheers, ZWTPE171120041557H^_^

    
     You know, I owe this to my friends, my loved ones. When I refused to believe in myself ever again, they never stopped believing in me. Believed in me so much more than I could ever ask for. And I think there's no way I could ever thank these wonderful people enough. When a friend in London read my journal, he sent me a long email. The longest he's ever sent me. Ha. That email came just in time, and I literally felt a jolt while reading it. I really appreciate pple who are very frank as well as "inspiringly considerate". As in, his words "ate right into me", yet without me feeling a "sharp pain". Well maybe it's because of what he studies that makes him v.gd with words, but honestly I prefer to think that it's the genuinity in the letter that really meant something to me. Thanks, J. Your letter sorted me out quite a bit when I needed it most.
    
     Quite a few other buddies helped me thru the past 2 weeks. Really, maybe I'm just lucky, but these friends that I've made in Taiwan are probably among the best pple on this island. (Agrh~ this is starting to sound like an Oscar moment...=P)
    
     After much help from my classmates and a few v.significant words from my Head of Department, there finally came a concluding episode for the 2nd biggest heartache of the semester- Phonology. My lecturer finally agreed to let me sit in for this semester's class and take exams as per normal. Though in actual fact I can't officially take this module this semester cos of "school regulations". However, she's allowed me to take this sem's exams as a "non-official" sit-in student and if I do well or at least pass them, she'll help "keep" my results till the 2nd sem next yr in which I will "officially" be allowed to re-do this module. I will still have to re-do the 1st sem though, just from this Sept to next Jan...but don't have to come back to uni for the 2nd sem. Complicated? I'll summarise. In short, I'll only have to stay of another sem instead of the original "1 full academic yr". A blessing in disguise I reckon! I finally plucked up to the courage to call mum and tell her about this. Still of course, she doesn't know about what's happened during the past 2 weeks...only the "problem" and the "conclusion". Enough, I thought.
    
     Sometimes things are ironic, aren't they? I still remember myself often giving the same reply when asked "Are you gonna stay in Taiwan for a while after you graduate?"..."No," I'd answer rather curtly. "Don't think this is the place that I want to remain in for too long. I want to get out and go home as soon as I graduate." Maybe this is what I get for "refusing" to stay in Taiwan and giving it a little more chance to being explored? Hahaha...This is probably the same thing as when pple say "The more you say that you don't want to marry a certain type of person, the higher the chance that you'll end up marrying the exact same kind of person you keep criticising." The little ironies. Hmm...I haven't actually thought about who I DON'T want to marry yet though..Never say never, I guess! It's all too early still.
    
     Time to send out resumes. Have to find a job to keep me occupied other than the 2 measly hours of Phonology every Monday morning! Wonder what it's like to seek employment in a foreign country. Time to look for a place to stay next sem. Time to think of the next step. Wonder what it'll all be like. Wonder if any of the Taiwanese publishing houses would accept me as an intern. Hmm...

     Tonight after work, I finally felt a slight spring in my steps. A sense of relief. Hey, things aren't so bad after all! When I walked through the underpass in front of the campus, there he was again. A caucasian stranger playing his guitar, busking on a rainy, slightly-chilly night. He's been singing there on-off, for a couple of years I think. I remember seeing him last Christmas in "reindeer makeup", complete with plastic antlers and Rudolph's shiny red nose. I walked past him tonight, up the stairs to the other end, and came back to him with a brown paper bag.

                  Me: Hey, it's raining out there.
                  Stranger: (pauses singing) Yeah, a little                   chilly.
                  Me: Here's something for you.
                  (I put the bag into his open guitar case,
                   which, amusingly, happened to
                   have a reindeer stuffed toy sitting in it...
                   haha..what's with the reindeers?!)
                  Stranger: What's that? It's from Starbxxxx!
                  Me: Oh, just a little something. Enjoy.
                  (Stranger smiles, says "Xie Xie",
                   heavily-accented, of course=P)
                  (I walk away, he starts singing again,
                   his voice so bright & clear.)
                  "No matter what they tell her...
                   no matter what they say....no matter...."
                  (I turn around, saluted.)
                  (Somehow as I walked back to campus,
                   I was beaming like an idiot.)

     On the paper bag, it wrote:
                  "Pass this warmth on~! God bless."

     I guess there's no greater joy than making someone happy with just the simplest, or even, a rash thought. Remember to pass on the hope and warmth that others have passed to you. Always. Keep this warmth going, and let's hope that someday it'll eventually warm up this entire world.

Cheers~!

^_^ZWTPE020320040032H